3 things that will change your life with children in a positive way
The most important thing for you as a parent is, of course, your child's well-being. We all want to have our children well prepared for the world, especially because the times are tough.
It is more than likely that you have at least once sought for the expert advice on how to deal with certain situation in your life with a child. And you have probably run onto many interesting and plausible “How-tos” on various topics: how to learn your child to go to sleep, how to develop child's talents, to say a loving “no” as a parent, define freedoms and limits, what to do when the second child comes, how to understand its emotional outbursts, support the self-confidence of your child, and so on. As many real-life situations there are , so many expert advices can be found.
But what is it, in the first place, that might keep us from knowing what to do in certain situations? Why do these advices sometimes work and sometimes not?
The main reason for that is our very idea of what the best thing for our child would be; an idea fuelled by unconditional love for a child - but not only by love! It is also fuelled with our own experiences, with our own expectations, our own fears, our momentarily fulfilment in life. Our best intentions are filled by myriad of subjective and largely unaware assumptions.
If you start to feel inconvenient or guilty right now – than just stop! It is an established fact that each person on earth has its own unique and subjective truth about life. We all perceive things differently from each other and that is basis for how we think and interact with others – including our children. So we may believe we do the best for them, while actually we do what we believe would have been the best for us now or when we were growing up!
So what is the best thing you can do for your child?
1) Learn about your own needs ,
2) learn about your own fears and
3) find out what lies behind your assumptions
That way you will be able to capture your subjective projections in everyday situations, and be awake for the differences between you and your child. And than you can choose and modify experts' tips on upbringing in the ways that are best suited for your unique child. Or you may need no advices anymore.
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© Tanja Ristovski